


Paintball and Cabo San Lucas

by Lsusanna



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Phil Coulson, BRUCE YOU ARE NOT IN THE HUNGER GAMES, Bucky no..., F/M, Fluff, Girls weekend, Hey whada ya know-I didn't Rule 63 this time, Paintball, Steve would be proud, Steve's Puppyness, Tony cannot function without Jarvis, and artistic, hulk being a sweetie, no but seriously FLUUUFFF, paint-ized Kalashnikov, well this is an inventive title isn't it folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1965246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lsusanna/pseuds/Lsusanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the females of/relating to Avengers Tower take a leave of absence.</p><p>                      Cut to Tony moving the contents of at least four floors into storage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paintball and Cabo San Lucas

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun with this.

“Okay, how does this ‘Girls Weekend’ work exactly?” Darcy asked, aiming her question at the mastermind of the whole affair, Pepper.

 

“It doesn’t work, and that is exactly the point. No companies, no Avengers, no government agencies, no life-and-death situations, and no aliens. Male ones, anyway.” Pepper said, correcting herself with a glance at Sif. Jane and Darcy had brought her along because ‘it would be fun’, but really, it was because they were trying to bond with Asgard, and the Weekend fit their agenda. Not to say they didn’t like Sif, just, ‘if she turned around quickly enough, her ponytail would kill me. Or it would, if I was tall enough to reach it’, as Darcy had put it.

 

Pepper continued, “And New York is Avenger-Land, so we should go somewhere else.”

 

“Like Cabo? Because I could totally be into Cabo.” Said Darcy. 

 

“Yes, Cabo is good. Is Cabo good for you guys?” It was. “Great! Cabo it is. Now, we just have to wait for the rest of them, and we can go to the airport.” As Pepper finished her sentence, the SHIELD agents came into view.

 

“I thought the point of the Weekend was to have no government agencies…” Darcy whined.

 

“Oh, trust me, there is more to Maria than meets the eye, and Natasha can hang out with the best of them.” Pepper said with something of a knowing smile. “Besides, Maria is with Phil, and anyone who is good enough for Phil is good enough for me.”

 

“If you say so.” Darcy shrugged.

 

“Hi.” Natasha said, walking up to the group.

 

“Hey, Natasha. Maria.” Pepper said with a warm smile. The agents responded in kind.

 

“Who else will be accompanying us?” Sif inquired, standing in a perfect warrior stance.

 

“Betty, and she should be here any minute.” Jane responded.

 

Freakily, in about seventy seconds, she was, and they set off for the airport and a Stark Industries jet, with a resounding cry of ‘to Cabo!’

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

“Okay, I have to go fix the suit, you good here?” Tony asked Steve, who was busy modifying the Common Room.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, you go.”

 

“Great. Oh, hey Bruce! How’s it going?”

 

“Fine. The pool and surrounding area is now a marsh, and ready to go. But an artificial marsh, so no bacteria.” The scientist responded.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

“Oh, this is great!” Pepper sighed, breathing in the smell of the ocean. “I haven’t worn flats in like a year!”

 

“Yeah… Hey, Maria, come here.” Darcy said, making grabby-hands at the Deputy Director. When she had come close enough, Darcy had her lean back so she could undo her bun. “See? You have pretty hair, doesn’t she have pretty hair, Jane? Cabo is a place for pretty hair.” Darcy handed back the long pin that had held the bun together, and Maria discretely dropped it down her shirt.

 

“Wait…that was laced with something wasn’t it?” Betty asked suspiciously. Maria pointedly looked away.

 

“If she has a poisoned hair do-dad, what do you have?” Jane inquired, looking at Natasha. She decided to be scary instead of professional, and winked.

 

“We are all going to die, aren’t we?” Darcy lamented.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

“No, Hulk, it’s not supposed to be pretty, it’s supposed to be war! You have to smash with the paint… Okay. Okay. Why don’t you go up to the lab and finish, and then Bruce can make ammunition?” Clint said.

 

“Okay.” Bruce’s alter-ego responded, walking to the elevator.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

“I wonder what the men are doing…” Sif said, and was met with noncommittal, uninterested noises from her companions. They were all too busy basking in the sun to really care.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

 

“Dammit, Clint, I thought we agreed no explosive paint arrows!” Tony growled, hovering in the floor of the Tower that housed the marsh, his suit smeared with paint.

 

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who splattered the balcony, so all bets are off, bub!”

 

The two didn’t notice the super-soldier that was submerged in the marsh-slash-pool until it was too late.

 

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

“Alright, I’ll go in then. Darcy, you coming?” Pepper asked as she swept into the jail. Maria had gotten caught because she was trying to avoid the cops arresting Sif, which would have ended badly for everyone. Jane was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, as was Betty.

 

The whole debacle had gotten started because Natasha spotted an old mark that had gotten away, and Maria was supposed to create a distraction.

 

On the bright side, they got him, and the police were none the wiser, they just thought they were stopping a bar fight.

 

Hopefully, they would not notice the bullet holes in the wall.

 

“Why don’t you go?” Darcy whimpered at Natasha.

 

“Someone should stay in sight of the car, so Sif doesn’t start a war or something. But mostly, just because.”

 

“Oh, fine, I’ll go.” Darcy said, feigning bravery as she stalked through the jail.

 

“Wait, Darcy!” Natasha called. Darcy turned back to the spy, who had acquired a scary calm.

 

“Don’t stand too close to the glass, Clarice.”

 

“Don’t do that, why did you do that you shouldn’t do that you said you wouldn’t do that!” Darcy was crying towards the end of her sentence.

 

“I lied.” Darcy ran after Pepper when Natasha started to do the freaky-hackle-raising-air-sucking thing.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

The elevator doors opened, affording Phil with a view of the Common Room. Or what was the Common Room. Now, it was a freaky, dark, paint splattered, artificial jungle-slash-battlefield. Thor was using his hammer to deflect Clint’s explosive neon arrows.

 

“What is going on here?” Phil asked, as Tony and Steve came into the room.

 

“Time out, everybody! Hey, Agent. We’re, um… Oh! We’re training. Yeah. For uh, battles.”

 

Phil didn’t buy it. This was glorified paintball. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

“Cheese! Cheese! Join us, come on!” Clint asked, making mournful, excited puppy-eyes at Phil. “I don’t have super powers, or a suit, and they’re beating me! I need an accomplice.”

 

“Can’t you just have fun and enjoy…whatever it is you’re doing?” Phil asked, giving the walls a questioning look.

 

“Uh, no. Not if I’m not winning.” Clint responded, as if it should have been obvious. “Come on, Cheese, pleeeeease?”

 

“Where’s Bruce?” Phil asked instead.

 

Tony huffed. “Hulk was making a mural with the paint, so we sent him to the lab, and now Bruce is making ammunition. He locked me out of JARVIS so I wouldn’t cheat. As if I would do that!”

 

Steve scoffed.

 

“Hey guys.” Bruce’s voice was heard over the intercom. “I noticed you were low on ammunition. There are extras for you guys on the Marsh-Level. Have fun.”

 

Tony sighed. “Dammit, Clint, I told you not to lend him the Hunger Games. Bruce! Bruce, I know you can hear me, you are not Claudius Templesmith! Bruce? JARVIS? Damn you, Bruce, I want my AI back!”

 

To everyone’s surprise-except, apparently, Clint’s- Phil slowly said, “I’d have to call Fury…”

 

Clint pumped a fist into the air. “Yeah! Yeah, tell him, uh, it’s a training exercise!”

 

 

******

 

 

 

“Hey! Tasha! Welcome back! Phil and I have an alliance, you want to come?” Clint asked Natasha, as the rest of the returning women exited the elevator and gaped at the converted living space.

 

“Well, we’ve dispensed with the pleasantries, haven’t we?” Natasha deadpanned.

 

“Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever. You comin’ or what?”

 

Now, Natasha had been wearing jeans and a loose fitting turtleneck since they had left the hotel that morning. She had been wearing those clothes through airport security, on the Stark jet, and upon landing they had gone straight to the taxi with no time for her to change.

 

Now, her travel companions stared as she considered her options for a moment, and then stripped, revealing her uniform underneath.

 

Rummaging through her bag, she asked Clint, “Who’s doing weapons?”

 

“Bruce.”

 

“He connected to JARVIS?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Natasha pulled out her thigh holsters, strapping them on as she walked away with her partner. “Bruce, hey, could you please put paint in the gauntlets? You could replace the electricity with silly string, I guess, but leave the grappling hooks in.”

 

They only had a few seconds to stare before Phil strode in, paint covering his tie, holding a large gun that looked suspiciously like the ‘want to see what this does’ gun.

 

“Hey, Maria. You in on this?” He asked, stopping in front of the elevator.

 

“…Well, SHIELD doesn’t officially know I’m back yet, and I do have the extra uniform in the drawer you gave me…” Maria replied, following Phil to the Guest Floor, aka Phil’s floor, to prepare for badassery.

 

Enter Thor, Tony, and Steve.

 

Thor promptly took Sif’s hand and led her away to participate in the glorious battle, barely pausing to give Jane a peck on the cheek.

 

“Well, this isn’t fair.” Steve said after Thor had left. “You all have people now, I’m alone. I’m calling people. Hi, guys.” Steve greeted as an afterthought, striding out to call his ‘people’.

 

Tony stood alone, helmet held under his arm, staring at the Wrath Of Pepper.

 

“Okay. We moved all the furniture out, and we only changed a few floors-”

 

“A FEW floors?!”

 

“-and we were going to clean it up, I swear.” Tony opened and closed his mouth for a handful of seconds, before his eyes lit up with the possibility of having found something to abate the Wrath Of Pepper. “Hey, you want to join us? You can have a suit. Come on, you know you like the suits, and last time you got to use one we were dying and all, so you didn’t get to bask in the fun. But you can bask now, so.”

 

Pepper’s response was delayed, but finally, “…Fine. But I want the gold one.”

 

Jane, Darcy, and Betty were left to stand alone, awkwardly wondering what they were supposed to do now. The elevator closed behind them.

 

The four battle-ready agents walked across the room, talking in hushed tones, in Icelandic, the science-women assumed because they wanted to keep their stratagems secret.

 

About fifteen minutes later, Steve came back in, and almost on cue, the elevator opened again, revealing a uniformed Sam.

 

His eyes lit up upon seeing the modified Common Room. “Awww, man. So this is what trained-superhero-rich-people paintball is like. Man, I am so sorry I got pissed at you, you can be on my left whenever you like.”

 

The elevator dinged yet again, and Steve left Sam to give the room ‘oh my gosh I’m in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory’ looks.

 

“This is why you called me?” Bucky asked, unamused.

 

“Yes.” Steve replied.

 

“Well, now I know why you asked me to put on the uniform, you wouldn’t want me to die a slow and painful death by a stray paint bullet, now would you?”

 

“Ha-ha, very funny. Come on, Buck, it’ll be fun. Please? ……Bruce modified a Kalashnikov…”

 

“……Fine.”

 

The men left, leaving the three companions alone again. Bruce took that moment to walk in.

 

“Hey.” He said, his eyes on Betty. “You want to help me change deadly Stark Industries artillery into paintball weapons?”

 

Betty took his offered hand, smiling like Bruce had just asked her to go on a romantic getaway to Paris and Venice, respectively. “I do, yeah.”

 

As they were walking away, Bruce turned back to Jane and Darcy. “You guys want to come?”

 

“Yes! Yes, we do!” Jane replied forcefully, giving Darcy whiplash when she dragged her forward by the hand. “So, did you really modify a Kalashnikov? What did you do with……?”

 

 

 

********

 

 

 

Tony turned away from the flight lesson he was giving Pepper, this (insert measurement here) close to giving up, letting her do her beloved paperwork in the suit, and calling Rhodey instead. “So, Cap, who did you call, just Sam?”

 

“Yeah, and Bucky.”

 

Tony let go of Pepper’s arms, and she subsequently fell over with a clang. “WHAT?! You didn’t say that the Winter Freakin’ Soldier was ‘people’! Dammit, we’re never going to win now. We might have, if you just brought Sam, but not now!”

 

“Hey!” Sam said from his place next to Steve, clearly offended.

 

Tony ignored him, looking around, confused. “Where is he, anyway?”

 

The lights went out.

 

“…JARVIS? ......Dammit Bruce!”

 

 

 

******

 

 

 

The Avengers and company sat in the living room of Bruce’s floor, one of the floors that was still intact and paint-less.

 

The Agents looked the most put out, due to the wounding of their professional pride, but none more so than Natasha, who was burning a hole into the wall with her eyes.

 

Or burning a hole into Bucky. Whichever, she really didn’t care.

 

Thor and Sif, as true Asgardians, didn’t mind loosing, and were reliving the ‘best of’ moments with Bruce, Jane, Betty, and Darcy; who, as they had not participated, didn’t care who won.

 

Apparently, Hulk’s abstract mural wasn’t half bad.

 

Pepper was a graceful loser, but Tony sulked openly.

 

Sam had an overly large, smug smirk on his face, gloating for the world to see. Steve wasn’t doing much better. (“The National Happy Puppy Society called, Steve; that face you’re making is infringing on their patent.” “Well, someone’s a sore loser, aren’t they Tony?”) Bucky didn’t seem to care one way or another.

 

 

 

“Dammit, Steve, why couldn’t you just call Sam?”

 

“Again, hey!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

FIN


End file.
